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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4743498
Review #4743498
Viewing a review of:
Gervic's Poetic Explorations Open in new Window. [13+]
A book to house all my Poetic Explorations
by GERVIC Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Rain's Test on Flowers" Open in new Window.
Review by NaNoKit Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Kit's Contest and Awards G...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi GERVIC Author Icon,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

This is a beautifully written poem. It describes an event so common, so simple, and yet it is filled with meaning. That takes a lot of skill.

I love the imagery in this piece. The weeping petals, bending under the weight of the water, and then the light, and the rainbows. It paints a beautiful picture. There is some lovely wording in there as well. The crystal tears, and the painting of the freshened air, for example. Very nice.

On the technical side of things, this poem reads well. It has a pleasant rhythm and flow. Good, consistent rhyme, too. Excellent work!

Suggestions:

I have just the one suggestion, Gervic. You use punctuation in your poem and I thank you for that. Punctuation in poetry aids the overall clarity and reading experience. It guides the reader along. On first read, however, there were places where I tripped up because the punctuation was not what I expected. Some lines that are the end of a natural sentence end with a comma instead of a period, and that confused and distracted me.

For example:

But as the storm-clouds part and light grows fair,
The flowers lift, with rainbows in their gleams,
Transformed by rain, they paint the freshened air.

The sentence seems to end after 'gleams', so I expected:

But as the storm clouds part and light grows fair
the flowers lift, with rainbows in their gleams.
Transformed by rain, they paint the freshened air.

I know that I began that second line with a lower case - I prefer to allow the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend upon the individual sentences within the piece. I know that opinions on that differ, though. But I do recommend having a look at the punctuation.

My Rating:

This is a lovely, beautifully-written poem. I was happy to read it.

I did have one suggestion - I stumbled over the punctuation on first read. Therefore, I will give this item a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Write on!

Kit

House Lannister image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.





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