GROUP

The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Gaby

"Game of Thrones"  Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: Forgotten colors First Impression: The title drew me in. Colour me intrigued and yes, here in Canada we recognize and include that letter 'u' in colour. Okay, you create a mysterious hook for a continued story. I find myself with questions which should attract readers. I too wish to know why Nina is dreaming of colours , a devastating fire and terrible deaths. You describe a nightmare and as I understand them they are never easy to decode. Great mystery fodder.What needs your attention: What follows are just my suggestions. I confess to writing run on, long sentences, too. Sometimes, we should employ shorter ones. They add an urgency. They accentuate the terrible events. They punctuate your verbs with tension and that would work well in a mystery. "Everybody wants to get out, but all the doors and windows are locked." I believe the word 'of' is superfluous in the final line. Also drop one of the 'that's. Simply write " the dream makes her face realities she had never imagined." Do you need the word 'again' in the opening sentence? You mention it occurs repeatedly. Also, "where does she start" does not need 'from.' Now you have set up the remaining story. You have hinted and created something ominous. What part I liked best: This particular nightmare is so different, so random, so deadly. It is also disturbing and vivid. I want to know why Nina is receiving it. What does it mean? Something? Nothing? Overall Impression: This blurb, this tantalizing teaser has potential. Have you fleshed it out? Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure! What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1817 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.