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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742449
Review #4742449
Viewing a review of:
The Day of the Dove  [ASR]
*Star Trek* titles lead to a story of finding peace...
by Rose Grey
Review by Jayne
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones review!


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Happy WdC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews!


Hello, Rose Grey!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
I realize I’m dusting off a golden oldie here, but I wanted you to know how much I enjoyed it!

*Checkb*Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
The closest form this comes to (that I’m aware of) is the Cento. Traditionally, a Cento is created entirely from the lines of poems written by other poets. I’ve also seen it used in writing exercises to include titles and dialogue. It’s one of my favorite forms, so it’s a little wonder that this one caught my eye

*Checkb*Content:
It’s really hard to balance the cadence of pieces like this, and you have done an outstanding job creating a fluid poem that maintains its rhythm without being overly structured. The first three lines are remarkably cohesive and drew me in. While it may be a true Cento, it has all the hallmarks of one, and you’ve done a great job putting it together.

The first stanza is the strongest and reads beautifully. It has an outsized impact on the rest of the poem and could be a poem all by itself. In terms of the poem as a whole, if you removed “Spock’s brain” (which defeats the purpose, I know, but hear me out), you could cut the middle stanza out and be left with a profound poem that nobody saw coming. Personally, I love it when that happens. I just wish it happened more often in my own work *Smile*. Obviously, there is no reason to change anything since it’s intended to be Star Trek-themed, and it’s a throwback on top of that. Still, if you ever did want to resurrect it, it’s darn good.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
Punctuation is always a sticky subject, especially when a poem is leaning toward free verse. I didn’t have any trouble without the punctuation present, and I didn’t notice any spelling errors.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
I’m so glad I stumbled upon this today. It was a great read!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne *Smile*


My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim


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