\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741598
Review #4741598
Viewing a review of:
 Memories Open in new Window. [ASR]
This is an excerpt from my fantasy novel. I need constructive criticism please.
by taylianna Author Icon
Review of Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by NaNoNette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review from
The Free Folk image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello taylianna Author Icon

In your intro line, you mention that you are seeking constructive critiques for this fantasy novel idea. As a fellow fantasy author who is often misunderstood, I hope that you will find my comments useful.

The first line that says one of the characters is going to be Name2 is so relatable. I often struggle with names. I end up giving characters the most generic names possible like Mike or Bob for male characters. Later, this has a tendency to come back to bite me when I have too many Mikes or Bobs.

Now that I have read the story, it's a version of King Henry VII. I will be honest, this is not a book that I would buy or even get from the library. A man who kills his wife because the child he fathered is not the desired sex is not a compelling villain to follow for me. Being told by his father that Rendell can't be the king is not enough of a sad backstory to root for him. Now that wife is dead, Rendell has taken to polygamy, which is another character bit that doesn't make me feel like investigating his story.

From this summary, I get that Rendell and Name2 will duke it out over the throne. Reading it like this, you can surely see that the story needs more characters that are endearing or interesting.

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741598