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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741340
Review #4741340
Viewing a review of:
 If You Recall Open in new Window. [ASR]
Death, The Grim Reaper, Spectre, makes another appearance. A character I can't leave alone
by Spectre Lives Author Icon
Review of If You Recall  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

I was looking through your portfolio and noticed the brief description of this story. It seems that you have a few tales where Death is one of the characters, and I don’t know if I should have started with a different one, but here I am anyway. I like the character - in general, and your version of it. I’ve always found the concept intriguing but I’m not sure if I’ve ever read about more than one Death. The way you explained it made sense. If death is personified, it’s difficult to imagine that there would be only one. Here, you have given them different roles, and they take care of different kinds of death, like you had various Occupational Deaths, which was an interesting idea.

I’m not going to pretend that I fully understood the significance of the burning women and I’m pretty sure I’m missing a layer to that part of the tale, but I liked Spectre’s solution to the problem.


*PenG* Suggestions:

one persons door
You need an apostrophe in “person’s” to indicate possession.

resorts to a afterlife
“an afterlife”

he resumed Hi tale
“his tale”

once again recently ago
Omit “ago” - I’m guessing it was left over from an edit, maybe?

With sadness within his speech, He continued,
“he”, lower case.

she was consumed
As this was the beginning of the sentence, “She” should be capitalised.

he had to attended too
“attend to”


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

You had some really nice concepts here, like the one where you said that Humans create their own doors, their own afterlife realities. I have come across that idea before and it’s an interesting one to explore, but you don’t go into details in this tale. Perhaps that is picked up in another one of your stories, and I’m sure I will be back to have a look. This story seems a little unfinished but if it is part of a longer work, or a series of stories about the same character, then it might be a good idea to put them all in a folder so readers can see that there is more to come.




** Image ID #2153781 Unavailable **


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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741340