\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4713887
Review #4713887
Viewing a review of:
 Limbo Open in new Window. [E]
A poem about a soul's regret as they are forced to watch life go on without them.
by Krazy Anonymous Author Icon
Review of Limbo  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear Krazy Anonymous Author Icon,

Upon seeing "Limbo" Open in new Window. today, I decided to lend some feedback with my takeaways.

This poem effectively captures the theme of soulful regret and the anguish of watching life move on without being able to participate. Perhaps, from the perspective of one confined to a bed, as far as being in a coma? One guess used up. *Wink*

The narrative voice is so compelling, tugs at a reader. Just with that open, you can feel this portrayal of someone going through this lifeless existence, seemingly used up. Couldn’t tell if coma is a comparative for something else that makes one go stiff, stop participating. It also feels like a need to fully escape what I could only describe as a purgatory. But, boy, does it switch gears. It seemed like an enough is enough. The exclamations. There’s emotional strength, though. And I’ve said to my depressed kid that despite hating life, and wishing they were never born, that passion, defiance and fight in their belly is so strong they should utilize it. Find purpose, meaning. Not defeatism, not check out before truly giving life a chance.

The interesting thing about jotting down these words as a writer is it serves as a visceral release. This voice is trapped by societal gags, perhaps, or by users and gaslighters. People who are judgmental, shaming or keep a person in a repressed state, won’t let them rise above their station. Any, all, or none can apply. This is what good poetry should do…puzzle the curiosity in a reader.

But, One who left to feel contrite because of the actions of others. Regret? That part made me think about generosity of this soul. But why is not clear. So, from there, let’s see…I found structure and language usage contribute to its expressions, but areas could be addressed and improved for a more impactful portrayal of this poignant emotion.

Structure and Language Use:
1. Structure and Repetition: The poem utilizes a structured pattern with rhyming couplets, which can work well for certain themes. However, the repetition of "fizzing" and "living" in the poem's concluding lines, while emphasizing the feeling of confinement, could be slightly more varied for a more nuanced expression of emotion.

Suggestion: Explore synonyms or alternate descriptions to convey the stagnation of the soul more vividly.

2. Vivid Imagery: The poem effectively uses language to evoke a sense of helplessness and longing. Phrases like "repenting for their misgivings" and "watching the life I abandoned whilst blind" create vivid mental images that enhance the reader's understanding of the soul's regret.

3. Emotional Depth: The poem successfully conveys the sorrow and frustration of the soul, but it could delve deeper into the specific misgivings or memories that haunt the narrator. This would provide readers with a more profound emotional connection to the narrator's plight.

Areas for Improvement:
1. Exploration of Regret: While the poem touches on the theme of regret, it could benefit from getting deeper into specific actions or choices that lead to the soul's regret. Providing more context would enhance understanding of the soul's anguish.

2. Extended Metaphor: The concept of "fizzing" is intriguing, but it could be further expanded upon to illustrate the soul's state of limbo. Developing this metaphor with additional details and sensory descriptions would make the poem more immersive.

3. Narrative Development: The poem had a compelling narrative of watching life from the afterlife, but could benefit from further development. Providing glimpses of the soul's past life or encounters with the living could make the narrative more engaging.

In summary, "Limbo" effectively conveys the theme of soulful regret and the frustration of watching life move on from a distant vantage point. I could totally feel energy, relate. Connecting with a reader is no problem here. I found something of interest that I enjoyed commenting on today. Hope all this feedback wasn’t too much.

Sincerely,

Brian
A Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4713887