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Review #4711902
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 Home Economics Class  [E]
2 ninth grade boys decide to take home economics
by Joseph
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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It's an odd mixture, you know. Starts as a school prank, a way to meet girls and have an easy time. Morphs suddenly into a recipe for Refrigerator Blackberry Pie, then ends sudenly as a horror story. Does it work? Well, I think I have to say no - not quite.

I can accept the sudden recipe - it's in line with the main subject, at least. But the element of horror is so alien to the rest of the tale that it oversteps into farce. It's too ridiculous to be believed. With a bit more preparation, a gradual building of sinister hints and foretastes (if I dare use the word in this context), it could be a nasty and decidedly scary end to the tale. It could be the whole point that brings the tale to life, ironically. But, as it is, I think it fails.

My advice would also be to drop the recipe. Although it follows the theme, it's really inappropriate in the context of the story. It also detracts from any effect that the soup surprise that follows might have. Really, you have at least two pieces here that would be happier on their own.

Which is a shame, because you have considerable descriptive skills and tell a rollicking good story until the recipe intrudes. There are also several minor grammatical and spelling errors in the text but these are easily mended by the use of a decent spelling and grammar checker. They won't catch everything but will certainly produce an acceptable result.

You have a distinctive voice and this gives an advantage when speaking of the things you know. There is real authority in telling tales of the people and places you have experience of. I suspect this tale was born in some prank envisaged in your school days. That is the right way to go.

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Beholden


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