It seems they are not happily married. They are devoted to their daughter, but I wonder if there is something hidden because although they seem devoted to her they are not sitting together as a happy married mother and father watching their daughter play the game.

I know this is microfiction and this requires very careful word choices and sentence structure to make the story as clear as possible for the reader. If you combine the night before reminder with the team in the playoffs this would tighten the word and sentence structure. By doing this you have more room for adding additional information while keeping the story micro in length.

By showing their rush to pay leaving their change, weaving through the crowd, and combining this into one sentence you are able to add more information. You could tell about him setting up the chairs and his wife reacting, then mention her moving into another area.

Showing the [why] in this short story is challenging and I hope you are able to edit it and keep readers interested in what is happening.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WdC members.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .