Hello Penny.

I just saw your item called The Magnificent Seventh. I decided to have closer look.

The title fits the story content.

In the introduction we see these guy's presence and how they swagger to the bar.

An unspoken threat hangs in the air when they first time they make eye contact, something about the way they react, makes the reader wonder just how long they're will beo peace rather than tension. It's almost like they strut around like roosters. The tension is holds the reader there until those two break it by introducing themselves.

There's a nice build of tension, a sigh of relief, and then of course the tension rises again.

The reader cant look away because we're still not sure what will happen next when others also walk up to the bar and demand drinks.
And they too have an attitude.

But this last big guy really finishes everything up nicely.

There was no shootout,the bar wasn't demolished , yet it was a standoffof sorts.

The big guy when he spoke made me think of Sam Elliot for some reason. I imagined his voice and his self assured attitude. In movies he doesn't waste his words.

I like that. I like how you portrayed the guys.
There were places that needed editing.

Your dialogue was fine, but how you did the dialogue tags needed editing.

* Before the quotation marks and first words there should be a comma. One space, then the quotation mark.

* And when the dialogue stops, you need another quotation mark, a space, and then leave the next word uncapped, unless it's a name.

*:I looked at the dialogue again and wondered if you really needed all of the tags, but since there were several talking, maybe so.

I realize these are all popular brand names being personfied. Each name added some interest to the story. Imagine meeting up with the Boiler Maker. Sounds a bit rough, yet fitting.

I kind of hoped they'd have someone to be evil enough to make him sorry for his early demise.

Another thought came to mind. There were no women. No barmaids it illucet activities hinted at.

Not no courageous women but they even courageous or other types of women can cause problems without trying or possibly tame them guys down with simple methods.

Yet that would extend the story and I realize that might not be what you were going for.

Still which drinks would be appropriate for at least one woman who also shoots straight from the hip, if needed?

Just a thought. Thought I'd share.

I liked reading this. I found the characters to be interesting. And thought at first this would end in a predictable way.

It's okay because it serves it's purpose.

Thanks for sharing and requesting a review from me. I hope my input has helped in some way. Please let me know if you'd like anything else reviewed.

Write on.








My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .