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 Review #4711378 |
 | Technology  [E] Poem about the future.  |
| (5.0)| Dear Itchybarn ,   Came to pay my respects on your 5th account anniversary when I stumbled across this poem, "Technology" . Careful where you lay things out.  Never get tired of hearing, “clean up this room, Brian,’ and not from my mother.  aaanny-wayyy…I’m into this. AI is coming in all shapes and forms and this poem teases the palette with knowledge and a message I’ve been preaching. We’ve seen dystopian books and films portray doomsday for humans. Your poem hints, but points out we don’t need to be lazy, but get with it, make a difference. Also, accept and not fear/reject its implementation in our lives. One article I’ve read that confirms this: from the field of medicine. Man cannot pour through 500,000 newly published medical studies a year to help a patient with undiagnosable symptoms. By cataloguing all the data with AI, it can pour through information so fast, new cures and remedies will immediately be at our fingertips, so we can live longer, better lives. Knowledge drop! Hey, if you write research papers for school, that be some knowledge that’ll get an A, for sure. But enough of that. Let’s talk about you as poet/writer. And, I like what I see. Not blowing no smoke. You have a consistent, traditional rhyming effort here that syncs well with topic, not losing message. That’s key with any good poem. You entertain and inform with ease. It shows you have skill, may have gotten tutored in poetry and making something of it. Now for some suggestions. I hope this will be good, it makes the mind push itself much like computers that learn and relearn until masters…oops! Meter: it doesn’t have to be the duh-duh duh-duh duh-duh…of the bard’s iambic. That can be silly, but worth trying for light-hearted poetry…or love. . What you can do is edit length of lines so syllables either count equal, or words flow seamlessly because the phrases are smooth, allowing a reader to glide over them. Your poem is straightforward, relies little on poetic devices. By sounding words out aloud, you might catch a lyrical nature, much like song. Something that pairs well with rhyming and timing is assonance and alliteration. Sometimes words roll off the tongue because of this, might inspire the start of a write; the more you groove with it, find new words, possibilities are endless. I rely on rhyming and thesaurus searches to build vocabulary.Song inspires me. Some old poets like Walt Whitman had an old school way with it. Whatever music you like now, not necessarily rap or metal, can offer to the melodious ear. Listenening to some of the famous Shakespeare lines, like a Romeo and Juliet play, can fine tune a poet’s ear for traditional. Steering away from that… Modern poetry is using visual as much as the spoken. All kinds of way to punctuate, stagger a poem, slam like. But truncated for a subject like this works well. Though, I don’t do poetry readings because my style doesn’t always fit the auditory. It needs to be seen. Tech is a great subject for doing something avant-garde as the elite poets say. I just call it being different, unique, finding one’s voice…as I’ve done on your elder’s website for 17 awesome years. Not a Yoda or Obi Won, but your poem vehicles can strive to be the best by avoiding rhyme and tease with poetic devices that intone subject. Common symbols used in writing code could weave through a technology poem, if you pick another theme, play with it. If you like writing witty poems that tease a mind to think…double meaning. All fun things to consider when I read your poem and see your interest in subject. I’ve been told reading good poetry is important and maybe a genre like this exist to broaden your scope of what you can do with this type of writing. Ideas for future tech poems could include: I think monotone language with computers, AI overlords can be poem narrators, addressing humans in any unfeeling way. Language can be pointed, logical, short and wastes no words, like a good poet should. For this, see William Carlos Williams’ ‘The Red Wheelbarrow. Warning, he’s the father of free verse, and he would tell you poets of his day were too effusive (wrote flowery language). Well, blah, blah, blah. Look at me go on. You inspired me. Keep writing. What you transcribe and create helps connect mind with conceptualization. Hope this helped. Brian Super Power Reviewer   I tried to keep,out the nasty typos with this tappy, crazy auto-correcting iPad. I’d turn it off, but that could be worse, as I’m legally blind. My lone disclaimer today.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/16/2023 @ 7:13pm EDT