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Review #4711347
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The P is Silent  [13+]
Cramp Entry: Jenny wants help getting proof that she saw something amazing.
by Than Pence
Review of The P is Silent  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


And a happy anniversary from me too.

The P is Silent is a delightful tale of a young girl who saw a pterodactyl one day. Her struggle to find someone to come with her to photograph it forms the majority of the story that follows. The interaction between the girl and those who are reluctant to accompany her is recounted with great understanding and observation, resulting in a tale that holds the reader spellbound right the way through until the end. And the end, when it comes, is both pleasing and heart-warming. Although she's had such a fight to be believed, her brother's faith in her makes it all worthwhile.

You have told the story so well and entertained me greatly, so that it seems churlish to point out weaknesses now. But I have to find a few suggestions for improvement if I'm to meet the requirements of the contest I'm currently involved in. So here's a few minor things that you could fix in a few moments.

You could make the font a bit larger. Older people (and there are plenty of them in WDC - me for instance) often find it difficult to read small font sizes and you want to be sure of gaining as big an audience as possible. Make it easy for them to read your piece.

In the same connection, if you were to drop Contest Entry as one of your genres (it's not something that people search for, after all), you could add another genre that, while still relevant to the piece, would interest more people looking for something to read.

Finally, there is the matter of "laying," a subject that I hate to bring up because I know that it's often used in local dialects in the way you have done. The plain fact is that, in standard English, you should say "figured it was lying on the ground," not "laying." We can lie down but we have to lay an object down.

It's a wonderful story that might be marginally improved by the adjustments recommended by me. I had to work hard to find them, however - your writing is generally quite flawless.

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Beholden



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