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Review #4711151
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Review by Beholden
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


The problem with anniversaries is that they increase the risk of getting reviews by people who don't know what they're talking about! Here's my offering:

I wrote half a review of the previous piece in your portfolio before realising that I reviewed it ages ago. It wasn't entirely wasted, however, because it reminded me of how good a writer you are and what to expect as a result. So it's no surprise that I found difficulty in making suggestions for improvement (which is what I have to do to gain any credit in the contest I'm currently involved in). By being picky, I managed to note a couple of examples - but they're hardly earth-shattering:

"...drift back into the box, but not enough to force her into if she wanted to resist." An interesting one this - it should be either "...to force her into it if she wanted..." or "...to force her, if she wanted..." As stated, it falls between two stools.

"...they can feed in earnest until they needed a new host..." - "needed" should be "need." The sentence mixes two tenses.

Other than those almost microscopic points, the whole thing is wonderfully good. The writing is excellent and the story gripping, if a little hard to understand at times. I am presuming that details of the "technology" used in the tale are explained in the parts of the story surrounding this episode.

I cannot say that I love the tale, because all this about fae and magic is really not up my street at all, but that does not prevent me from admiring its quality and the skills of the writer who created it. You mentioned somewhere that you intend to make the story of the narrator into a book if you find the time, and I have no hesitation in saying that it would be a tremendous achievement indeed.

Applause for a brilliant writer.

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Beholden


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/10/2023 @ 11:30pm EDT
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