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 Review #4711087 |
 |  | Alive (Nightmare)  [18+] Episode. pt 1- A man who's lost everything, walks a path toward vengeance...  |
| (4.5)   A Rev-Rev-Review Found your story "Alive (Nightmare)" in READ A NEWBIE .Thank you so much for sharing this very supernatural story. I don't usually review dark stories due to its proximity to horror genre, but this one was awesome! The more barren your insides, the easier it slides.  Great line. I felt it prepared me to expect some death and blood.My interpretation: Insides referred to the insides of the human being, and barren indicated soullessness. The easier it slides, conjured up something sharp and deadly. But it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve died.  I guess this is a supernatural being. Nothing more supernatural than coming back from the dead.Broad shoulders as inconspicuous as a pair of rhinos in ballet. Another great description.I’d wager there wasn’t a single marble ricocheting between their collective ears. Made me laugh ... but that’s the things with goons. ... but that's the thing with goons. ... but those are the things with goons.typo How could I be this far off my game. How could I be this far off my game? punctuation Welcome to the Daedalus. I feel that I should know something about Daedalus. But I don't...Maybe a watch? At this point of the story, there is no incentive to compel me to google Daedalus. So I ignored the reference. I'm assuming this could be relevant later. Unleashing a geyser of carnage. I liked this lineFrom under my jacket sleeve, ... ... softness of his eye. The appearance of this weapon feels convenient. For example, why didn't our hero use it when Manwall had him in a viselike grip? Why wasn't that weapon on his mind when he mentioned that he was lucky his ribs didn't go into lungs? Great ending. I would like to know more about Sierra. Very nice way of dangling a bit of potentially juicy insight into this creature's origin. I agree with the selected genres. This story is very dark. It has a very good start of an adventure and ends in a way that makes me want to know more by introducing the name of a mysterious person from our hero's past. One of the issues I had was with the nicknames that our hero selected. I know it's helpful for our hero to name the villians so he can tell them apart. But the names he selected only made me feel more distracted. At one point, I was wondering which guy was bigger, Bulldog or Manwall? And why was one guy more man than dog?Upon further reflection, I think I had trouble connecting to the names possibly due to the distance between the description of the men to the names they were later dubbed with. I have a short attention span when it comes to details and I think I must have skimmed over them too quickly. Perhaps add a tad bit more emphasis like having our hero feeling the itch to scratch behind bulldog's ears or wanting to punch a hole through the manwall. Overall, this makes a great Part 1. There are lots of excellent metaphors. The action and commentary flow well. Our hero's speaking style and choice of words does add a pervasive feeling of resignation throughout the story. And the mystery person that seemed to linger in the back of our hero's mind, finally bubbles forth right before the end is a nice touch. I did not give the full 5 stars due to the few typographical issues in combination with two areas such as the nicknames and the unexpected appearance of a weapon during hand to hand combat. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. I look forward to reading the next installment. I hope you find my review helpful. Please let me know if you have any questions about my comments. ~ Amy the last cicada (deadbluesea) "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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