Hi Paul ;

I have the pleasure of reading and reviewing your piece as I hit the Read & Review button to generate a random piece to be reviewed. Since it is the birthday month I am taking advantage of the extra gift points and the chance to get in more reviews this month.

One Suggestion I can make - because I have gotten the same advise is to choose the best genres to best categorize an item to make it easier for readers/reviewers to find. For instance, I have often been chastised for choosing "Contest entry" and "Other". It is not a category people prioritize in searches. Choosing more appropriate genres will help your writing get seen. Try something from the dropdown menu that hits with your piece. "Short story" works, but you have two other chances to drag audience to your piece. Apparently this is a thing.

You do well to work in wheel and rock, but hat is a little awkward. I'd suggest having the girl throw her hat in frustration at the beginning. That way you work in the word hat a bit more seamlessly and let the reader know we have a female protagonist.

This also appears to be a contest that has a word count limit. I would suggest including the word count at the bottom or top of your piece. Most contests ask that you include this. I found it ended too soon, but then word count could have been a factor.

Another suggestion is this awkward:
"want to now that we’re this far. Keep telling me.” I think this should be know.

Thanks for sharing. Happy writing. Hope you're enjoying the birthday events and activities this week.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .