Hello Allen Mitchell

I found this story looking for new members' items to review for "The WdC Birthday Challenge!!! CLOSED" 



What the title says to me

Obviously it is a Writer's Cramp entry! although I am not sure you need to put this in your title, as the ACTUAL title gets a bit lost. "When Am I?" is intriguing as it is obviously grammatically incorrect so it must have a point. It encourages you to read and find out.

The opening paragraph

The opening paragraph is exciting and intriguing, it does not give away much, the character could be anywhere, but it makes you want to read on.

How I felt about the characters

I liked the fact that there was a lot of dialogue in the story between the characters as in general I prefer dialogue rather than long paragraphs of description, I think it helps the story to flow better. I didn't get a sense of the supporting characters being in the "modern day" however, perhaps this was done on purpose?

What I liked best

I thought the story was really imaginative and I did not know where it was going, I thought parts of the story were funny, I liked the ending, as though that points to a whole new story....now what does he do??

Suggestions

The "smelling salts" that the doctor has did not seem fitting with the modern day, it made the story still seem to be set in the past. Perhaps introducing something like a mobile phone, or modern clothing would have been more relevant here?

In Conclusion.....

This was an entertaining story, I thought it was well written and super imaginative, I did not see where it was going. The ending leaves the readers in suspense....








My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .