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Review #4710227
Viewing a review of:
 Theirs  [E]
Wanted to see if I could write a poem without using the letter A
by CJ Harrison
Review of Theirs  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This is very good, considering it's hampered by the banning of all words containing the letter A. That makes it a word game but it's also a very expressive poem. Pardon me if I ignore the game and concentrate on the poem.

The first two stanzas are a delightful contrast within themselves, as expressed in the final line, "imperfection perfectly outlined." It's a punchy opening, an announcement that it might be Romance/Love in genre but it's no sappy love song. The lady has flaws for once!

Then we delve into the sensations he is experiencing and nothing is held back - body odours indeed, beer and tobacco as well. This is the kind of thing that's needed in modern love poetry, a return to reality after our long sojourn in the realms of romantic and unlikely fantasy. You do it extremely well and nothing jars too seriously, in spite of its newness and boldness. The one part that I think goes over the top is the fist bumping, the high fives. Do lovers really greet each other in such a manner these days? Methinks you were having difficulty finding A-less words at this stage. Easily fixed with a quick hug or two, however.

The final stanzas are a competent summation of the final union, expertly expressed and detailed without overreaching into embarrassment. It really is very well done and you are to be congratulated. The simplicity of the last three lines especially is masterful and harks back to the title of the piece.

I think you do it no favours by leaving its announced genres as only Romance/Love, however. Find a couple more to add in (Perhaps Experience and Cultural) and you broaden its reach to people searching for particular genres. It's readers we're after and that matters.

One very minor niggle is the occurrence of the word "stopped" twice in the opening stanzas. They are a little too close together and might distract the reader. I'd avoid this chance by changing one or other of them, perhaps to "halted."

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