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Review #4710095
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The Dark and Light  [E]
Can darkness be overcome by light? Or will light fade away?
by AmyJo-"ber" months are here!
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Great objective with this poem . . . to illuminate Martin Luther King's words of poignant, profound wisdom.

I like your overall message and would like to make a couple of suggestions that may make it read more poetically, imho.

1. Consider the following changes to the first verse:
Darkness can scatter
By a solitary light;
Be not afraid to shine,
to dispel what hides in shadows

2. The above suggestion also eliminates the use of the word "light" two lines in a row.

3. Hatred is fanned higher by the same; There is no need to add the word higher as that is exactly what "fanned" does to a fire so the word is redundant.

4. Fewer words, in this context, can be highly effective. My suggestion is as follows:
Hatred is fanned by the same;
Do not add fuel to the fire -
Be one who shows forgiveness;
Even when not warranted . . . I don't know why, but the word deserved is not working for me. (Insert shoulder shrug emoji here).

I would do nothing to change the last verse. It is effective and tells me that the wisdom that lies beneath one's ego (our finite mind) will bring peace that goes beyond "mere understanding." . . . Brilliant!!!

It makes no sense,
To our finite minds;
But the infinite wisdom
gives us peace beyond understanding.

Live and write passionately,
Cyndee

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   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 09/09/2023 @ 8:45pm EDT
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