WOW!!!

HEAVY, but o' so relevant to anyone who has been there or traveled the path with a loved one seduced by MS Meth's initial offer of escape.

Your piece went deep for me. I divorced a man because CM totally consumed him. I lost a loved one to oxy. His journey started with pot, moved to CM then to oxy, and I have simply witnessed her ravage on far too many souls.

I appreciated the way you pulled me in with your opening paragraph and closed your story with the last paragraph. I did however, get lost in all the metaphor in the middle. In my opinion, while there is some AMAZING metaphor in there, it was overdone. I had to reread it to get back in the flow of the story. People do best when holding no more than 3 concepts, in route to a point, and metaphor can be cumbersome and therefore count as more. (Insert shoulder shrug emoji here).

I liked that you used the word "brood" in the opening paragraph as it fit with the dark theme.

Suggestion #2: Simplify some of your words . . . especially because of the heavy use of metaphor. For example, in the sentence, "Innocence succumbed to the alluring seductions which the dark euphoria of drugs produce, as she rode the highs and lows like some aerobatic biplane wing walker." 1st: There are just too many words in this sentence that are not needed to make the point. 2nd: You have broken this into two pieces, separated by the comma. But, as I read it there are more than two chunks. All of which are heavy and complicated. I suggest simplifying either the beginning or the end . . . or maybe even both.

Consider something like: "She lost her innocence to the alluring seduction of the drug, as she rode the highs and lows like some aerobatic biplane." You can still use metaphor (it is very effective) but step back and see where it punctuates the point and where it dizies your reader.

Correction: Petty as it may be, I suggest you add the words 'on their' to the following sentence: "they could play in their sandbox and on their jungle gym. We don't play in jungle gyms. We play on them.

The image of the woman with the hands reaching everywhere is a 10 out of 10. It tells it all! . . . Just, WOW!

If your story is true my heart goes out to you.

Live and write passionately,
Cyndee



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .