Disclaimer:



This is a fun and intriguing story that held my interest to the end. The characters are well developed, and the dialogue sounds natural to my ear. I especially like the line:



The text would benefit from some detailed editing. I found some problems with typos and misplaced commas.

Overall, a good read.



Here are some suggestions for your consideration:

As a general note, the font is small for my aged eyes, and I'd suggest using a 1.4 line spacing to further improve readability.

While Kellies Kellie's father was a quiet and caring man when it came to her mother, Marilyn, things were very different.

Marilyn to put it mildly Marilyn, to put it mildly, was an intimidating factor in each of her daughters lives.

and Marilyn was the one none of the girls wished to anger.

They didn't quite understand why but and Marilyn asked her daughter if she could just change.

and once more being under the thumb of her mother's rules thumb.

Jack was a successful lawyer within the firm where they worked,

It was his personality that soiled soured Kellies opinion though.

"I maybe may be an asshole Kellie but I'm still that girls father,"

making idol idle threats

Jack pausing he as he gazed at his hands in wonder. "What's...what's happening to me!"

Kellie had no answer, to too stunned to speak as Jack continued

she could hear his voice gradually shift in an octave

You do not wish to have your daughter grow up under the stren stern gaze of your mother.




Keep writing!


Words Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror, the reader brings the reflection.

                       

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .