*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4709693
Review #4709693
Viewing a review of:
 When am I? (Writer's Cramp 9/1/23 entry)  [E]
A shipwrecked sea captain comes to the rescue of a broken down Bostonian subway car.
by Allen Mitchell
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Very imaginative, well told story. I like the idea of time travel being induced by the employment of something from the time being travelled to. As though the protagonist was being pulled there by the desire of the object to return to its own time.

You make a great job of conveying the confusion of the sea captain in the sudden change in his circumstances. Your writing is well suited to the tale, with a light touch and not too much concern with the boring details of the mechanism behind the jump. Nicely judged balance between explanation and entertainment.

The first paragraph is a little worrying as subject to an outbreak of first person disease. All those sentences beginning with "I." It's hard to see how this can be avoided but often the remedy is to resort to our tendency to abbreviate. So you could write "Voices and shuffling feet" instead of "I hear voices and shuffling feet." A little thought and some of those "I" sentences could be altered to avoid the excessive repetition.

And that's about it. An entertaining tale indeed.

Bulbul signature which links back to the group page
Small photo
Beholden


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4709693