\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4709632
Review #4709632
Viewing a review of:
 Gemini Open in new Window. [13+]
Free verse poem based on an image prompt. Dark Dreamscapes entry.
by Jeff Author Icon
Review of Gemini  Open in new Window.
Review by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Jeff Author IconMail Icon. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.! *Smile* I received "Gemini" Open in new Window. via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Angels and demons are as bad as each other in the war for your soul. Both revel in the chaos and pandemonium created by their struggle. Both lie and victimize in the name of justice and the conflict between them tears your soul apart.


*Quill*Commentary

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

There were so many false assumptions in this poem that I do not know where to begin.

In this, everything is a psychological projection of a tormented soul. But good and evil are just as bad as each other. There is no admission that angels actually exist here but their profile is misused. The suggestion is made that angels lie which is laughable for anyone who knows angels, at least the biblical versions. There is the suggestion that angels do not care which again illustrates a profound ignorance of their ministry to human beings.

What you actually describe here is a man given over to the dark side and led by its version of reality to victimize unjustly, to self-sabotage and to keep himself in a constant state of turmoil and stress


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Variable syllable counts and tonal rhythm. The semblance of a structure with four stanzas seemed irrelevant and was only semi-justified by the content. There was a random rhyme - devil and chaos do not rhyme for instance nor sit and way but lies and despise, around and found do.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
Image Protector
STATIC
My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing Open in new Window. (E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind Author IconMail Icon


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/02/2023 @ 10:52pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4709632