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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4709501
Review #4709501
Viewing a review of:
 When am I? (Writer's Cramp 9/1/23 entry)  [E]
A shipwrecked sea captain comes to the rescue of a broken down Bostonian subway car.
by Allen Mitchell
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Allen Mitchell . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "When am I? (Writer's Cramp 9/1/23 entry)"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

David Martindale, captain of the Brigantine Armitage voyaging from Lisbon to Southampton is blown off course and arrives in a strange new world where the rebels won...

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is my own reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

Very engaging plot. There is no attempt to justify the rationale for the quantum leap through time scientifically here. It seems to be witchcraft but the real horror story is waking up in a world where the British have lost their hardwon North American Empire. The advantage of the show v tell approach here is that you never have to explain the details of why your story makes sense. A person can get away with that in a short story like this though.

The prevailing wind direction across the Atlantic at that Latitude is Eastward so I was surprised he woke up on the wrong side of the Atlantic, but it did make for an entertaining story.

I liked the way you used the ball bearing as a way of tying together two times and making the journey between them seem somehow an act of saving the day.

In modern America, with no skills or insurance, or proper welfare provision what are the chances that this man will simply end up a homeless vagrant on the streets?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major.


Thanks for sharing.

2023 Quill Nominee

 
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#2259390 by LightinMind


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