This story is a different "angle" on the fantasy genre. We have a would-be mage who often loses control of his destructive powers. His friend tries to help him find out how to control his powers. They explore ruins from the "Senke Era", hoping to find clues. At the end, a malevolent entity attacks to obtain an artifact they've found, and the protagonist loses control of his powers. The violent release of electrical energy apparently kills his friend. We don't learn what happens to the artifact, or the entity afterward.

As I'm learning with my own work, rewrites are part of the discipline. I hope my suggestions are helpful:

My overall feeling about the story:
This is a rather long story. To be honest, I sometimes had trouble concentrating on it, rather than skimming details. There is a lot of repetitive explanation of how fascinating the Senke Era is, and how much Kael hopes the contents of the ruins will help him learn to control his powers. This is interspersed at somewhat irregular intervals with action, and things that showthe potential of the books and artifacts.

Grammar and most sentence composition are good, although there are a few problems. My suggestions aren't exhaustive, and you may find other examples.

You may want to recheck and revise some metaphors and descriptions.

"…like jagged teeth…"
"…clung to his lungs…"
"…stout and shallow breaths…"

"…The electricity excited for release…" Doesn't really have a verb.

"…Jace urge, his excitement contagious…" Should rephrase this. There are a number of these distracting dependent phrases in the story.

An action problem:
"Kael," Jace called out suddenly, snapping him from his reverie. "You need to see this." Then Jace looks at some more book bindings.

Again, I hope this helps.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .