Freedom [18+] TU entry R7~ Monster: Jordan & Angeline find freedom in the night. |
I apologize for my initial review; I generally avoid 18+ content and was not expecting this from the "random read and review" button. But since I've read it I'll do my best. It's only my opinions, and I react quite emotionally to things, so don't take me too seriously I'll get the negative out of the way first. I feel the story is built on a weak premise; the idea of appeasing a sex offender with a child (which is supposedly not even his own) wouldn't work if the story was based in reality rather than fantasy. As it is, the creature's adoption of its kindred spirit could be a touching moment but seems illogical given the other details. It also sets up a lack of closure because of the potential for a continuation of the cycle of violence against women; rather than killing off the evil, it is only reproduced. And a minor stylistic note: the uppercase "He" is often used by religious people to indicate God and may be perceived as offensive. You can italicize instead for that dread filled emphasis. But now the positives You selected a simple one word title and made sure to fill in all three genre categories, although "contest entry" is somewhat of a nonentity here and not recommended. (Death would be a suitable third genre in this case.) The story builds up chaotic horror elements rapidly and keeps the reader engaged to the end whether they like it or not I liked the well intentioned character of Jordan and thought it a little humorous that he remains oblivious to the signs of a monstrous being. The ending is a relief and suggests a peaceful future relationship of the two heroes. You have good descriptive abilities and dealt with a grimy subject in as decent a way as can be expected. Thank you for sharing your work with the community. Keep writing and keep sharing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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