To Take Flight [E] A poem written for a contest. |
I visited your portfolio because it is your WDC Anniversary. This is a bleak poem of longing for freedom. The tone is stark, perhaps to echo the mood. My favourite bit is the last line, about everyone belonging. That brought a bit of emotion into an otherwise austere piece. I also like the connection between a sense of freedom and a sense of belonging. That seems to be contrasting in a way, and yet is true. That's a lovely thought. It gave me an 'aha' moment. I guess it was your intention to make this one sound cold. Somehow to me it is a bit devoid of emotion, it didn't move me much till the last line when I felt I could relate. Maybe changing 'entrapped' to 'trapped' would make it sound more immediate ... ? Perhaps you could put a bit more into the brief description. Also, you've left the genres at 'other' - I suggest you pick up to three genres, to give the poem more exposure on site. I found no technical errors. Happy WDC Anniversary! Write On! - Sonali "TRICK OR TREAT - Fourteen Reviews" My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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