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Review #4675475
Viewing a review of:
 Two Brothers Open in new Window. [13+]
A very short story about how a mother's influence has tragic consequences for her sons.
by John S Author Icon
Review of Two Brothers  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


I visited your portfolio because it is your WDC Anniversary today - happy 9 years!

The title works. The brief description gives away that it'll be a tragic end. The genres you've picked work - maybe you'd like to add 'Tragedy' or 'Parenting' as a third.

The Characters
The main characters are two brothers and their mother. One brother seems to be an irresponsible guy who takes everyone for granted, while the other seems to be a solid family man. The mother, as happens, pampers the irresponsible one, with horrible results.

The unwitting victims are the wife and daughters of the family man. They have no say in something that affects them so deeply.

The Plot
The plot ends in a tragedy, as is foreshadowed by the brief description. I'm wondering if it would've been better to leave it as a(n unpleasant) surprise for the reader how the story ends.

The Style
The pace is a bit rushed.
The reader has no time to absorb something before the next thing happens.
The early dialogues seem to be more like 'telling' - meant for the author to convey things to the reader, rather than one character say something to the other. Some of the later dialogues are more natural sounding.

Overall Impression
The story has the potential to be really moving.
The characters and plot can be made to evoke more emotions if the style is less rushed and the dialogues more natural. As of now, it feels more like a first draft than a finished story.
If you work more on it, I'll be happy to re-rate it.

The Layout
Font, size and line-space would make it easier on the eye.

Happy WDC Anniversary!
- Sonali

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