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 Review #4567956 |
 | The new kitchen  [E] Harry saves the day.  |
| (4.5)  Greetings, Sumojo! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write in 2020" .  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.What I Liked   There are so many ways I can connect to this birthday prompted story. Where do I begin, lol? Perhaps I'll summarize under Final Thoughts.  Thank you for the larger sized font! I do appreciate that.  I especially liked how Cheryl waved the invitation. Also, Sam slapped his brother on the back. And in addition, Sam shook Harry’s outstretched hand. Great visuals! This piece is something many readers will connect with, especially the dread of attending a get-together one doesn't really want to go to but feels that they should show up. Especially a 50th birthday celebration of a brother.  This is such a real scenario. Humble background, success, showing off (probably from past insecurities of not having a lot in earlier life) and then it seems there is usually something that brings one back down off cloud-9. Thank goodness Sam's brother saved the day! I liked the ending, too. Sometimes the old ways are simpler. Your story flowed nicely and the details were clearly written. No confusion on my part. Great job! I'd also like to praise your dialogue skills.  Very realistic!Suggestions to Consider Hardly worth mentioning, but I did bump into just a few technical observations. Paragraph 5: he laughed Easy-peasy fix! He laughed Paragraph 6: Sam introduced his brother, and sister-in-law No need for a comma. Sam introduced his brother and sister-in-law In Paragraph 7, you could smooth these too sentences into one: He turned on the gas. He gasped. --> He turned on the gas, then gasped. Last paragraph... Harry shrugged, Replace comma with period. Harry shrugged.Final Thoughts You've created a realistic story that I certainly connected to! People find way too many reasons for get-togethers (yes, even now!), at least in our family. Hubby has six siblings. They like to celebrate birthdays every year. A super sweet family, but... Anyway, great piece! I really enjoyed it.  Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 09/02/2020 @ 9:22am EDT