Hello Nitraits,

As a Co-Judge, I am reviewing this item for the following contest: "The 4 Controversies Contest" .

The topic for this round was "Faith" and what it means (or doesn't) to you. Your submission must be non-fiction with a minimum of 1500 words, personal and full of opinions.


Overall Impression:
I enjoyed reading your submission. I found it made some good points and I appreciate that you shared your opinions, as well. I, myself, am not one to shy away from 'f-bombs' and am prone to dropping them myself - scattered delicately as though I am tending my garden. When writing opinion essays we need to be careful where, when, and how we place them. A strong and solid argument can be derailed by their misuse and turn a well thought out opinion into a rant. I am not saying that's entirely the case here, but, since you are also a fan of this 'sentence enhancer', I thought it worth mentioning.

Title / Description / Hook:
The like title and description line you provided for this piece. The description line gives the author the opportunity to clarify the title and lure in readers, you accomplished that here.

Emotional Content:
Your essay has passion, that is obvious. These are things that you have thought about and did a good job expressing your thoughts.

Grammar and Mechanics:
A couple things I spotted and thought worth mentioning...

...you can’t wrap you mind around the truth.
I believe the underlined word should be 'your'.

King James bible
Bible should be capitalized here as it is part of the title, King James Bible.

Having more money, power and control occupies their thoughts.
I believe it should be 'occupy' as opposed to 'occupies'.

The Catholic Church has set a precedence about tithing,...
I think here should be precedent, as opposed to precedence.

The rest are a bunch of thieves, liars and cheats!
Whatever your thoughts are on the Oxford comma, I respect. However, I am 'old school' and suggest a comma after the word liars. There are a few places in this piece where this devilishly cute little comma could be placed, but I shall spare you.

...should lead by example like Jesus did.
...should lead by example, as Jesus did.

I detest what religion and society has done to LBGT communities ostracizing the people.
My suggestion: I detest what religion and society have done to LBGT communities, ostracizing the people.


Closing thoughts:
One thing I wanted to mention is the comment you made about the Catholic Church has set a precedent regarding the 10% tithe. However, this concept can be found throughout the bible. The first mention of a 'ten percent' is in Leviticus 27:30–34):
Every tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land or of the fruit of the trees, is the Lord’s; it is holy to the Lord. If a man wishes to redeem some of his tithe, he shall add a fifth to it. And every tithe of herds and flocks, every tenth animal of all that pass under the herdsman’s staff, shall be holy to the Lord. One shall not differentiate between good or bad, neither shall he make a substitute for it; and if he does substitute for it, then both it and the substitute shall be holy; it shall not be redeemed.”

I do not claim to be a religious scholar, but it is what it is, lol.

Thank you for supporting "The 4 Controversies Contest"  with your entry! Without your participation, there would be no contest. You are appreciated! A small gift of GPs is attached. Keep writing!!!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

***Disclaimer***
The comments herein are just my humble opinions. Use whatever is useful; discard the rest. I'm not an editor, proof-reader, or any of the like. When I read and review, I am reading as a 'reader', to be entertained. I look to see how the piece makes me feel and if I can I visualize the story/poem in my head. You know your work better than anyone else! If I make a suggestion or a comment, it is meant in the spirit of 'helping' and I welcome the same when people review my work.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .