Hello Beholden,

As a Co-Judge, I am reviewing this item for the following contest: "The 4 Controversies Contest" .

The topic for this round was "Faith" and what it means (or doesn't) to you. Your submission must be non-fiction with a minimum of 1500 words, personal and full of opinions.


Overall Impression:
In a non-fiction opinion essay, it is important to begin with a strong, attention-grabbing intro. You managed to do that quite well with your statement that everyone has faith and with the example you gave. I liked it and was looking forward to reading more about how you'd explain stance.

Title / Description / Hook:
I really, really loved the Title! It gave me the impression that finding your faith transformed you from a rascal to a good, God-fearing man. Your use of the description line did not provide any insight into that transformation - only to tell the reader you were going to explain what faith means to you, the writer.

As I continued to read, I was hoping for something that would justify the expanded part of the title about how you became a good boy. There is a brief reference to your life prior to committing your life to God (I continued quite happily in my wild state.), but it leaves the definition of 'wild' up to the reader. Was the author a thief, drinker, womanizer, of just spiritually lost?

Flow:
Your essay flows in a logical manner and is easy to follow. The only question I had about sequence is when you mentioned that you left the church, having outgrown it, but then mentioned being in a church-led prayer session about a church-related issue. Did that happen before you decided to leave the church or while you did a bit of church-hopping? Either way, it's not that important - I only mention it for the sake of sequence.

Emotional Content:
What i enjoyed about this is that it's personal and tells the reader of your own spiritual walk. I didn't stir any strong emotions in me, but rather it was like having coffee together and you were sharing a few pages from your llife.

Grammar and Mechanics:
(posh version of C of E)
I am assuming the C of E is referring to the Church of England. Typically when initials are used like this, the first mention of the Church of England should be followed by C of E in parenthesis so that when a reader sees it later in the document they will have a clear understanding.

As I read through this essay, I remember that you write British English, as opposed to American English. Therefore our spelling and use of articles differ greatly...in other words, I have nothing else for this section.

Don't even get me started on the Oxford Comma - which I adore.

Closing thoughts:
Love this, lol:
christenings, weddings and funerals (hatches, matches and dispatches

I liked that you included a couple of verses with this as it gave good support to the overall piece.
Always a pleasure to read your work! Don't stop writing!


Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

***Disclaimer***
The comments herein are just my humble opinions. Use whatever is useful; discard the rest. I'm not an editor, proof-reader, or any of the like. When I read and review, I am reading as a 'reader', to be entertained. I look to see how the piece makes me feel and if I can I visualize the story/poem in my head. You know your work better than anyone else! If I make a suggestion or a comment, it is meant in the spirit of 'helping' and I welcome the same when people review my work.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .