Hello Phil Thomas,

As a Co-Judge, I am reviewing this item for the following contest: "The 4 Controversies Contest" .

The topic for this round was "Faith" and what it means (or doesn't) to you. Your submission must be non-fiction with a minimum of 1500 words, personal and full of opinions.


Overall Impression:
What grabbed my attention early on was that you stated you attended a Catholic school, as did I. It appears all the nuns are the same and your experience equaled mine. However, I only attended for one year, 1st grade, but it left indelible memories. Even the obedient children manage to get abused in those schools.

I enjoyed reading this as it gave me the background on how your faith progressed and where you are in it today.

One of the things you mentioned in your piece is about how we all have 'free will'. What I have always found to be contradictory is when I'm told that "God has a plan' for my life. I often wonder where His plans and my free will collide.

Title / Description / Hook:
The title of this piece is good and, effective, and made me 'want' to read the item. It piqued my curiosity regarding the direction the writing was going to take.

The description line gives the author the opportunity to clarify the title and lure in the reader. Yours complimented the title and gave me the impression you were going to explain sources of faith.

Flow:
This essay has a good flow and progression. There were a couple of areas where a couple of sentences seemed out of sequence. For example, the paragraph referring to the bookstore. I had to reread that section a couple of times to get a clear picture of the event.

Overall, however, you did a good job of keeping the sequence of your faith journey logical.

Emotional Content:
You did provide a couple of your own opinions in this piece and gave a bit of background on how you arrived at them. While I found the essay interesting, it did not draw any strong emotions from me one way or the other. But it did make me think about 'free will', so good job there which I mentioned above.

Grammar and Mechanics:
Some of the comments in this section are my opinion, while others are grammar/spelling rules. Use what you like and discard the rest. Here are a couple of things I spotted, they are given in the spirit of helping.

I was a very angry teen who couldn’t wait to get away from all of them.
Rather than using an adverb (very) to describe how angry you were, searching for a stronger adjective would heighten the emotion of your sentence. Perhaps irate, aggrieved, indignant, etc.

...in spite of her “thug like” demeanor.
Instead of 'in spite of', try despite

gut busting, thug like, all powerful, man made, etc
These should be hyphenated: gut-busting, thug-like, all-powerful, man-made


Closing thoughts:
I really liked this line in the opening paragraph: The nuns were replaced by priests and rulers were replaced by fists. It's a simple line, yet tells a lot!

Thank you for your entry and sharing your work with us. Please, keep writing and sharing!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

***Disclaimer***
The comments herein are just my humble opinions. Use whatever is useful; discard the rest. I'm not an editor, proof-reader, or any of the like. When I read and review, I am reading as a 'reader', to be entertained. I look to see how the piece makes me feel and if I can I visualize the story/poem in my head. You know your work better than anyone else! If I make a suggestion or a comment, it is meant in the spirit of 'helping' and I welcome the same when people review my work.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .