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Review #4467582
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Review by Emily Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi Baloney Bill Author Icon! I found your poem by searching for "coffee" related items for my challenge at "a very Wodehouse challengeOpen in new Window., and I'm very glad I did!

*StarB* I love your lighthearted style! The poem is short, but this only adds to its impact rather than detracting from it. I enjoyed your rhymes and thought they fit well with the piece. And the gif you included is perfect as well! A continually pouring cup of coffee to symbolize the eager coffee taker in the office who never puts another pot on! *Laugh* Very clever!

*StarG* I think your formatting works well - I especially like the font color - but I think it could be visually improved by centering your poem and perhaps increasing the font size just a tad. Perhaps to {size:4}? This might make it stand out on the page more. *Smile*

*StarB* I usually stick to freeform poetry because I'm not very good at rhyme schemes and rhythm and syllable counts, so take everything I say in this bullet point with a grain of salt. I found the first stanza of your poem to be perfectly rhythmic, but the second stanza felt a little off-kilter. I believe this is due to the syllables in each line. In the first stanza, the syllables follow a pattern: 7, 6, 7, 6, whereas the second stanza syllables do not: 7, 7, 5, 9. Consider this for an edit of the last two lines: For he only every leaves / An empty coffee pot.

*StarG* Thank you for sharing your poetry! I enjoyed it!
-Emily

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