Hello again Gaea - On to chapter four!

The beginning of this chapter should have made me more nervous than it did. Lisa was able to detect the threat, outwit the threat, take out the threat, and threaten the threat all before I really had a chance to be afraid for her. It all happened too quickly that I wasn't able to feel the tension the scene deserved. I also wondered why she was so chill about releasing him. How can she be so sure he would keep his word? I don't know her past so I wasn't on the same page as her and didn't really understand her thought process or motivation. I want to know more about her.

I only noticed a few typos in this chapter. Your words in red, mine after:

The building held several law firms, a private investigation office, WGY Logistics. should there be an "and" before WGY Logistics?

You have the wrong building, there’s no Jackson here, if it’s a law firm, there’s several on the next block, End the first sentence after "no Jackson here." And start a new sentence with "If it's a law firm..."

I had an idea of how you might think about spicing up the showing rather than telling. I do like your style of writing, but I think it is more suited to a daily report written by Lisa. Perhaps, you could structure your chapters so that they read like they are actually Lisa's log book on the activities of the day. I think your writing style would suit that perfectly, actually! It would also make for a very interesting and unique read. Something I haven't seen before. Perhaps each chapter could be a new day in the daily reports that Lisa writes? Just something for you to think about

Take care,
Emily

You responded to this review 09/07/2018 @ 11:27pm EDT

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