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Review #4356466
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Review of  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (3.5)
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"Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Creeper Of The Realm Author Icon

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
This short story could use some structure as there are run on sentences. I like the premise of good versus evil, dark versus light and saving the universe from the darkness.

PLOT~
This reads like a monologue as one person predicts what is to come and how they plan to choose a side and stand up for it. The plot is good verses evil, which in this case is a universal battle. There is a lot going on in this dark story and it is interesting to think of the end of the world and all that will entail.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
The descriptions of darkness played out well, it was easy to imagine someone standing in the shadows, watching, waiting to make their move. This person is from an ancient race. I wasn't exactly sure what you meant about the six uniting the world. Six what? If this person telling the story is evil, is this an evil versus evil scenario?

TECHNICAL~
There are sentences that run on. In the middle of a few of them, a break would be better, for instance using a period and starting new sentences since for as it sits now it's an abrupt jerk into something completely different.

Example Yours:
For I have seen many signs and the six unite the end will come and and dawn a new era will begin now if it will be of peace or evil shall be determined in the war of the universe. ---Think about putting a period at unite. Then start a new sentence with The end will...Begin should have a period after it, and Now should start a new sentence. It will help clarify things, and make it easier for your reader to understand all that you have going on.

and lets -let's fight


House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/27/2017 @ 12:10am EDT
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