Hidden Tears [13+] PTSD, hiding your pain |
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones" . I would first like to welcome you to Writing.com (WDC). This is a really great community of authors who help each other. Overall Impressions~ This poem is emotional. I understand it's about PTSD from the description. I would like to ask if in the emotional state this poem is in, is there a coming out of the hole that seems to be dug? Why are the tears hidden? Is there no one to comfort the one who is down? Recommendations~ The recommendations for changes I make are just that, recommendations. You don't have to change this if you don't want to. Slipping down her cheeks, wet Her mind, frozen Sobbing Torment, intensely felt I would take out some of the commas. The pause the commas make, give this poem a choppy feel. Here's something you look at doing. Slipping down here cheeks Sobbing, her mind frozen While her torment intensely felt Yes I took out "wet" on purpose. The word to me is repetitive. When you write your poetry, you might look at writing it as if you are writing a story. Show the reader what is happening and that way they can relate better to what is going on and understand the raw emotion that is being conveyed. Conclusions~ This poem is yours and it's good just the way it is. I would like to say welcome again to WDC and hope you get out there and if you need anything don't hesitate to ask, me or anyone. Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.} My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|