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 Review #4319702 |
| Hi richardd My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Invalid Item" on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: I see this was written 7 years ago ... funny how times haven't changed. We're still fighting the same fight and loosing.  . Creativity/Impact:An interesting and provocative take. Your premise that Earth will "uninvite" Homo sapiens at some point (when "its time to go") is understandable but when your guests act the way we do, I think we have to take some of the blame.  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day?  We are here ... until we are not. Cherish each moment. Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: Straight forward. I thought it could have been a little more creative, to catch the attention of readers. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I thought you used it well. Grammar/Wording: Your language is well thought out to elicit and reinforce your message. Utilizing the alternative meanings of "watch" was clever and opened this up since the ghazal typically uses a recurring phrase or word. Your approach added depth. Form/Flow: Free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. I noted your use of a refrain and even rhyme. I saw the poetry in this. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:  An enjoyable if somewhat disturbing read even if the subject was our eventual demise  . Your acceptance and recognition of what the future holds comes through clearly but I don't think I'm convinced except in the sense that all things end eventually (The Law of Entropy). Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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