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 Review #4319453 |
 | Little Brook  [E] A brooks journey through the countryside  |
| (4.0)| Hi Espero My name is Ken and I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Little Brook" on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: This is a cute poem about the life cycle of a brook, through river, lake and sea.  Creativity/Impact:I think you used the Quadrilew to create a set of pleasant images that take the reader downstream  . Very creative. Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day?  Okay, I'm a bit prejudiced since this is an Earth Day activity LOL. Seriously, you've captured the journey of water. I wish you had gone further. There's more to be said. Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: Descriptive. It caught my attention and will surely catch the attention of other readers. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Good for poetry lovers who enjoy invented forms, not very informative for casual readers. Grammar/Wording: You've chosen words that reflect images of the water moving and changing. You imply a vibrant, moving world which adds to the fun of this. Form/Flow: The Quadrilew is a form of quatrain poem with an abab rhyming scheme, repeating lines, and contains an alternating syllable structure. You did this well although the use of colors to highlight the repeating lines is distracting. The goal is to make them invisible to the reader so they blend into the poem. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: An enjoyable read although I felt it lacked a message other than "water runs downhill." I didn't get a sense that you found anything enlightening or amazing. It just was. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/25/2017 @ 9:41am EDT