Hello, Sally

What I liked

I can see why this poem won an award and why it was featured in today's newsletter. "Poetry Newsletter (November 2, 2016)" 

This poem is truly sublime. However, that is not a quality that stems from its structure (though that is strong) but rather it is a result of the twin imagery and your strong emotions so clearly expressed. Emotion wafts from your fine verse like the sweet scent that comes from a summer rose. Reading this made me think of something Charlotte Bronte once wrote, speaking through the voice of Caroline Helstone: 'It seems to me...nobody should write poetry to exhibit intellect or attainment. Who cares for that sort of poetry? Who cares for learning - who cares for fine words in poetry? And who does not care for feeling - real feeling - however simply, even rudely expressed?' *

The twin imagery I speak of was the crepe-paper heart and the necklace. The paper heart so perfectly symbolises the damaged heart, that can be flattened out, ironed, strengthened, but the scar can never be removed, it is permanently creased. The necklace is a beautiful connection made from the son to the mother. Wonderful!

Your word choices are exquisite.

* Shirley (1849), Bronte Charlotte, Penguin English Library (2012), p. 227

What might need work

I'd hesitate to change or add anything to this poem since it is so personal, so exquisite, so part of you. However, I will say that if it were me then i might have been tempted to leave out the second use of the word necklace and instead used a synonym, like jewellery or silver or even token. For example:

Fear is touching your silver necklace,
Fifteen years flow through your fingers -
The precious token he bought you…

However, as I said, this poem is from the heart. As Coleridge might say, it is from imagination, not fancy, and so Spirit inspired.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .