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 Review #4244902 |
| (4.0)| Review brought to you by: "Game of Thrones" by Creeper Of The Realm  PLOT - Marie and a Lieutenant are inside a cave in Peru where they are monitoring Alien technology. The Lieutenant thinks she's touched something that made the electronics inside the cave come to life, but in actuality it was automatic. Together they try to figure out just what the place represented, and once Marie realizes it what it is, it comes as a shock. SETTING - Good job setting the scene inside the cave with all of the electronics as Marie plugged away on her computer trying to make sense of the transmissions. What was missing is elaborating on the sounds inside the cave. You bring up the alarm going off. What did is sound like? Adding more of the senses into this would really draw the reader in further. CHARACTERS - Marie caught up in all the data. The Lieutenant who is curious, asking questions. GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE - No errors. The Lieutenant seemed more laid back that I imagined an officer to be. THOUGHTS - You had a lot going on in this piece. When the discovery was made of just what they were standing inside it gave me a chill. Bravo for bringing that into the story. Think about adding more descriptive elements to really pull the reader into the story. Show their visible emotions to make your audience identify with your characters. Write on!   
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You responded to this review 07/27/2016 @ 8:19pm EDT