%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4230730 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.5)    A SHORT STORY REVIEW From CAROL REVIEWS The opinions contained in this review are subjective, intended to be honest and helpful. Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. Hello, JustTurtle, it has been my pleasure to read "Invalid Item" today. Here, in affiliation with "Game of Thrones" , are some of my subjective thoughts and impressions for your perusal. OVERALL IMPRESSION It seems we have a modern day telling of Beauty and the Beast told by a disembodied omniscient narrator with a keen affection for Girl and secret knowledge of Monster and Man. It says quite a bit about your ability and craft when you can add suspense to a tale Reader already knows. Gotta give you props for that. STORY DEVELOPMENT Plot & Characters In this plot, we have typical fairy tale symbolism, but it seems more directed at the Characters within the story than universal readers. I like that you've managed that given you've chosen to stay outside the story. I felt I was a fly on the wall, watching it all unfold in real time. And as in real life, we don't know how it will actually end. I love the ambiguity - the open ended conclusion. Is he good or is he evil. What has he waited so long for? True love - Or a good meal! This will leave me thinking about your story. So well done. TECHNICAL ASPECTS Grammar, Spelling, Pace, Flow, Line Edits Once again, you've managed to draw me in. I've listed a few nit-picky things that jumped out at me.  He opened the door and the old man stepped in (it's unclear at this point he is the monster that had been chasing her.) His gravely voice asked (Gravelly - and voice can't ask, Maybe: he asked in a gravelly voice(?)) The light creating a halo about him. (Nice!) One of you were going to die. (Was) “NO,” the man shouted. (No. -- It's always best to rely on your skill rather than gimmicks like all caps.) I can't wait to read more of your work! To your continued success!      .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 07/15/2016 @ 6:03pm EDT