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Review #4195433
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Review by Shaye Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi Walker Author Icon,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " Open in new Window..

Title: At first, and as the first few stanzas lead me to believe, I thought this was just about being nervous about the song, but when I got to the end of the poem, I very quickly realised this was a literal nightmare. Clever title. *Thumbsup*

First Impression: Good twist at the end, and I think everyone feels a little awkward and embarrassed come "Happy Birthday" and you managed to capture that well.

Flow/Form: This poem flows well, with the syllable count aiding in the good flow. I believe this is a free form poem, but you've created your own sort of structure to stick to and it works well.

Rhyme: You've got an abcc rhyme scheme, with a rhyming couplet at the end of each stanza. All the rhymes are true rhymes, so you've chosen well.

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted here!

Closing Thoughts: Thanks for the entertaining read. It brought back birthday memories of standing before a cake with people singing and me standing there with no idea what to do! This link to a personal memory makes the poem even better. *ThumbsUpL*

Lorraine

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Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


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