Hi writingbyjazzy,

I just finished reading your story which I found in your portfolio, "Invalid Item"  and I would like to offer you the following review. Please note that this review is a culmination of my opinion and what knowledge I have. It is meant in the spirit of assistance and appreciation only. Please feel free to use what you deem useful and ignore the rest.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS
You did an excellent job expanding this story. I really enjoyed the opening paragraph letting us, the readers, know what inspired this small bit of genius.


STORY STRENGTHS
As someone who has dealt with bullies, your piece explores some proactive, good advice that actually works. This story's strength resides in how realistic it is. My favorite is this line: "I love the way life is right now for me..." It is fundamental and the beginning of making the changes that give you the life you want, accepting what you have so you can move forward empowered.


GRAMMATICAL/SPELLING
There were no spelling or grammatical errors.


SUGGESTIONS
Your dialogue feels a little choppy, I recommend reading it out loud and seeing if you like the way it sounds.

You have started a lot of your paragraphs with your characters name, it feels a little redundant.

I a not sure that this is the correct response ...'The teacher asked them to come over to the school and to the principal’s office.' I feel that you could have used stronger language here.

I really recommend separating out your dialogue from your paragraphs to give what your characters are saying more strength.


OVERALL IMPRESSION
This is a wonderful piece. I really enjoyed the character growth and realism of in this piece. Excellent job, I look forward to reading more of your work as you participate in "Invalid Item" 


Thank you for sharing your work!
Write On!!