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Review #4079399
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by A Guest Visitor
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi CJHanna84 ,

I found that you added this poem to your port and posted that on newsfeed so I decided to review it.

I like that it's romantic, and found one thing that the persona was fascinated about: her boyfriend's neck. This is because her eyes were fixed at his neck when she saw his picture and she began thinking about how it would taste. I'm not sure why the neck but I guess it's because the sensations triggered at the neck play a role in making one sexually aroused.

It seemed like you could use alternate words for this line: How perfectly I might fold up there I understood what it meant and would write it this way: How perfectly my face might fit there. I'm sure you can think up better line.

In the second last verse, another phrase caught my eye: . . . get stuck between my teeth The word teeth broke the flow for me. How about her words getting stuck in her throat?

And see if it all calms the butterflies. Clams whose butterflies? I'm thinking the persona's butterflies?

I liked the part (third last paragraph)where she says that the fire filled the her wounded parts. You just have to read this verse and pa a bit of attention to the tenses.

It's really good that you captured taste,sound, visual and touch in this poem. It made the poem lively; more real.

Overall, a good poem showing the effects of love over the persona.

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