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 Review #4052933 |
 |  | Hate Me  [13+] My first ever story. A teenager desperately try to convince himself that his Mom hates him  |
| (3.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Hello, leodaruler . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely.   Title, Hook, and Formatting: Your title caught my attention while I was scrolling through the "Read a Newbie" page. I feel like the description fits perfectly for what's actually happening in the story. The main character is trying to force his mother to hate him so that he will feel justified in hating her. Best Bits: You've got the teenage angst thing nailed down. We probably all went through something similar with our parents while growing up. It's easy to want to play the victim and believe that your parents just don't like you instead of fessing up to what you've done wrong, and I believe that's what the main character is doing here.You did a good job of building the scene. I could see it playing out in my mind as the mother is being stared at with hatred while she's in a state of disappointment and fear. The ending was good because it let the reader know how the kid really felt. He saw something on the table (we don't find out what it is) and it makes him emotional. It might be a picture of him and his mother or something she gave to him as a present. Whatever it is, it reminds him of their relationship and he again begs for her to hate him. That was an emotional bit! Possible Suggestions: The first thing I'd suggest is an edit on the technical front. I saw quite a few errors while reading the story. I'll list a couple of those for examples, but the rest should be easy to spot with a quick edit.Why she even cares? I think this is a typo and it is meant to read, Why does she even care? I wish I had no Mom were thoughts flashing in his mind I wouldn't capitalize mom here because he isn't referring directly to her character. Instead of a period and lowercase 'were' to start the next sentence, I would make the period a comma. For an instance he thought his gaze I would add a comma after instance. ...a verbal or physical assault but much to his dismay these sentiments never echoed back. I would add a comma after but and another before these. There are more, but these are some that stood out while I was reading. Other than the technical side of things, I would like to see the main character given a name. It would be cool to have something to call him other than 'main character'. It also helps the reader connect with the character because it brings them to life a bit more. In the beginning, it might catch the readers attention if you let them see the argument between mother and son play out instead of directly tell them what is happening. Summary: I feel like you have quite a talent for creating emotional scenes between characters. You clearly have a grasp of the teenage angst days and you display it well in your main character. I would suggest an edit for grammar/punctuation and possibly fleshing the story out a bit more so that readers will connect with your main character. Thanks again for sharing with us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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