Please remember that my comments/suggestions are only to help you improve as a writer. It also helps me in return. You may either take them and help your piece or you may leave them alone. I am not a professional editor, just a reader and a writer who enjoys to red, write, and improve her craft.

Title:


The title you chose for this piece made me want to read it because it made me ponder the different ways a story could go with such a title. Was the character going to do? Is that why it was the last dance? What would make it the last dance? Why was it titled such? I found that as I read your short piece this was why it was titled The Last Dance

Characterization:

This was a short piece. I only knew that their is a father, daughter (the bride), and the groom. There were no descriptions other than his daughters smell and her auburn hair. What did the groom and father look like? What did the dress look like? Where was the mother? What were there names? Other than sorrow of his daughter's marriage, did the the dad feel joy? What were his feelings toward the groom?

Overall Opinion:

This was a good piece for what looks to be a first draft or idea. I think you could use more detail of this last dance. I did have to read it twice as I had a hard time figuring out who was telling the piece. The mood stayed the same throughout as did the tone. It would be excellent if you went back to show, instead of tell. Honestly without some sort of identification of who the character's are, I still have a hard time in figuring out who the main character is. Otherwise you did well.

Keep writing and it will improve. Never loose heart. And stay true to to what you enjoy about writing. I look forward to reading more of your work and welcome to Wdc!

Ally

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .