I found this item through the CLASH tournament, for which I am a judge. I hope my comments can offer some assistance in preparing for future rounds.

Weaknesses: Wanderer is not an open book and so any weaknesses he has aren’t just going to be aired out for you to take advantage of
This is certainly how I would have felt going into a tournament for the first time, but most of the competitors feel secure enough in their characters to reveal their weaknesses. Indeed, some of them reveal some startling weaknesses, but still manage to come out victorious. Have a read through some of the other characters' references and see what you think.

The High Council gathers, confers (and do so in stereotypical, hushed tones High Councils take when a story needs dramatic tension added to it by such a delay)
This seems an unusual way of reminding the reader that they are not part of the story, but just reading your work. I would take out the sarcasm and just write 'gathers, confers in hushed tones' etc. It is usually considered better not to mock your readers. Seriously though, I would consider removing this and staying 'in character' with your story.

I do like the fact that you have limited his 'legion, and too numerous to list in their entirety' skills to a more reasonable level for the tournament. This perhaps makes up for not noting any weaknesses. There has to be an element of risk or danger for the tournament to be exciting, I think. (Having read further on, you clearly agree. )

I still wish to race, even with this rather non-sensical and capricious, albeit interesting, caveat you’ve shackled upon me, which I’m sure will provide lots of dramatic story development.”
Here again, I don't understand why the character is referring to the story. As a reader, this annoys me. It sounds like you're mocking me and the tournament as a whole. I'm not sure that's what you intended, but that's my reaction as a reader.

As I reach the end of your introductory story, I still have a lot of questions about your character. I wonder how he'll do in combat, whether he has the proper motivation to win, whether he is tough enough or ruthless enough for the tournament, and a number of other queries. I think you've given us a glimpse, but I'd like to have seen more. I would suggest in the next round that you allow us to see him in a more dangerous situation so we can see if he really has the talents to back up his words. I look forward to reading it.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .