This review is part of the gift basket that 🪽intuey🕊️ bought for you from "Invalid Item"  with the message: 'Thank you for your winning bid in "P.E.N.C.I.L. Anniversary Fundraiser "  [E]. Enjoy! Tracey'

I found this item through the CLASH tournament.

I was doing a quick reader through your character reference when this leaped out at me:
She also tends to get hangry, her anger burns brightest when she’s hungry
Ha ha ha! I've never heard the term hangry before, but I think I will add it to my vocabulary! How brilliant!

I was curious that you gave your character clumsiness as a weakness. I feel that's a weakness that could definitely be used against her in this tournament. I'll be interested to see how you help her overcome it.

Your story followed on nicely from the original prompt, and there was no discord between the two.

I doubt anyone gets bent out of shape about how long my native Altan Lavender lawn gets like Elva,” she said to her houseplant, Roy
I LOVE that she has a plant called Roy. That really tickles my sense of humour.

“Who’s lawn would be substandard then?” she asked, a plan formulating inside her mind.
Who's should be whose. I have to wonder if this is a bit of overkill. A drill that can be used to destroy an entire planet, so she can take revenge on one person who thinks her lawn is a quarter inch too long? Doesn't seem like strong enough motivation for putting her life at risk.

She hadn’t even thought about what tasks they might throw her way. This was all based on a petty grudge that she was risking her life for.
Hmm, my thoughts exactly.

Your story is quite easy to read, but I find myself not knowing as much about your character as some of the others who have auditioned. I feel like she is flighty and ill prepared, but I genuinely don't know how she'll fare when put to the test. And neither does she! I look forward to learning more about her in the next installment. I haven't read the prompt for the next part yet, but I strongly recommend giving your character some conflict to overcome so we can see how she will fare against the other characters. Let her win our hearts so we cheer for her and want her to win.

Elle

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