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Review #3583297
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Review by Mandarine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: | (4.5)
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Hello atwhatcost After reading "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. I had a few comments to offer. I hope they are useful to you and remember they are my personal ideas, suggestions and reflections.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I love to read a story I can relate to, and pretend it's about me. I have a wonderful inner garden and a deadly, black thumb in real life. I've actually always dreamt of elves coming to help me out, like the ones in the story "The Elves and the Shoemaker". Fairies sound so much more magical! As much as I love fantasy, I do like it to be believable when a human meets something out of this world, and I think the reaction of the character was believable and kept the suspension of disbelief last longer. In a short space you managed to create a flourishing relationship between the character and the elves that ended with them being good friends. Good job!

I also enjoyed the gardening trivia at the end. It seems you did your homework, or you are a real Green Thumb Status in real life! *Bigsmile* I really enjoyed this story.

EDITING SUGGESTIONS:

>And then I was going to defend myself

>causing [ a ] humming too loud to compete against - I also suggest using a verb other than 'causing'.

> like he barked at me. - I think you should clarify the time frame here. For example, like he barked at me earlier.

>They have been with me ever since, although they do go home at night through that gazing globe.

I didn't understand the relation between those two statements and why you linked it with 'although'.

>Now they try to trick me - Using the word "now" was confusing because it changes the tense.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. *Heart*
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/08/2011 @ 11:52am EDT
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