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Title: "Invalid Item"  Prologue
Author: SilvaShado

The Hook:
Near the beginning, four sister goddesses lived among the stars. Though they enjoyed each other's company, the deep black expanse held little else for them. They were alone in the cosmos. They talked for a long while and finally decided to create a place of their own. It would be a challenge, something they looked forward to.

There are four sisters introduced right away, they’re in a distinct location, and they’re dong something. You have covered all the basics of a good hook. This has a bit of a fairy tale or mythological feel to it. Because you wrote that they’re alone, I’m left with a lot of questions about where they came from and where their parents are. Guess I’ll have to read on and find out more. I think 'others' is one of those weird words like 'yours', which doesn't need an apostrophe.

Plot:
This is a very detailed prologue – the creation of a world and all its inhabitants. After which, the goddesses experience disappointment. Rather than wiping the world clean in a flood, they give different races the ability to interbreed, hoping that it will teach the people to live in peace.

Style & Voice:
Although the events have some detail, there aren’t any characters to capture the interest of the reader. The story seems narrated like a fairy tale, and only at the end are a few specific characters introduced. The voice of the omniscient narrator is a bit cold, and although colorful, the story is a bit dry.

Referencing:
It seems to me that the sisters are the embodiments of the four elements. While gods may be seen as a creation of their worshipers, elementals might be a bit more naturally occurring, and that idea might make more sense to me.

In this line:
None of the animals or plants were independent; they did what they were designed to do and nothing more.
I’m not sure I agree with the plants and animals being dependent versus a race of people. It seems to me they’re all independent – they’re born, live, and die without the aid of the sisters. Maybe you should consider another word like imaginative, inventive, or creative. I think that would get your idea across better – that’s something people are that plants/animals aren’t.

Scene/Setting:
The setting details, and details of the races, were easy to understand and a pleasure to read.

Characters:
Though you ascribe some emotion to the sisters (smirking, laughing), I felt they were distant. The story was told as an overview, so even though there were physical details about the goddesses and the races, there were no personalities to liven up the story. It’s hard for the reader to care about things that are presented as ancient history.

Suggestions

You wrote:
Once they were satisfied with the amount and variety of life, they stopped creating and lived in the world.
Life was good, for a while. However, they soon found themselves wandering aimlessly over their world.
It would be good not to repeat ‘world’ at the end of these consecutive sentences.

You wrote:
Short, spiky hair was streaked with red and orange tints.
In an effort to avoid passive verbs where possible, try:
Streaks of red and orange wove through their short, spiky hair.

And here:
For protection, their skin was covered in tiny scales, ranging in color from the sparkling blue of lakes to the green of the sea.
Consider this was to get rid of ‘was’:
Skin in the form of tiny scales, ranging in color from the sparkling blue of lakes to the green of the sea, covered the new beings.

You wrote:
They tried learning to say no, but when sullen eyes were turned to the goddesses their resolve broke. Their love was too great, but it was hurting the races.
I suggest simplifying the beginning to ‘tried saying no’, and ‘sullen’ is a negative expression. If I were a goddess, it would make me angry. Also, the last line doesn’t seem to be a qualifying line even though it uses the word ‘but’. Consider something like:
They tried to say no, but when pleading eyes turned to the goddesses, their resolve broke. Though not their intention, their great love hurt the races.

You wrote:
Whether they liked it or not, their creations had matured, albeit into violent beings that the goddesses did not want to interact with.
The second half seems clumsy to me, though I’m not sure how to fix it.

You wrote:
However, when they had each created their own race, it had made them incompatible with the others, limiting procreation.
Shouting with joy, they knew what they could do to help their children learn to love one another again, and just maybe, live in peace.
The idea that the ability to interbreed would solve any problems is far-fetched. It certainly hasn’t happened in the history of our world. The goddesses must be rather naïve to imagine this would help.

There are two main problems with this prologue.

One: it’s a prologue. Prologues are notorious for scaring away publishers and editors. It is believed that a prologue doesn’t have the depth and excitement necessary to catch a reader’s interest. Most editors feel that there is nothing very important in the prologue that cannot be slipped into the narrative further on.

Two: there isn’t a protagonist for the reader to get to know or to root for. Readers like characters and action. Without specific characters, the facts given might as well be in a textbook. They want to feel emotions and new things through the experiences of the characters they’re reading about. A good example is “Meerkat Manor”, which has become popular. Originally a simple research project, as soon as the scientists named all the little animals and showed their day-to-day struggles, it became successful. People tune in because they care about the individual meerkats.

I have two suggestions about this prologue. I think the best choice would be to get rid of it. However, if you're in love with it, you could present it as a ‘fairy tale’ (or story or religious lesson) that one of your main characters is telling to children or discussing with others. As is, it doesn’t have the strength to grab a reader’s attention and inspire him/her to continue. Also, it is presented as truth, not a legend, and is a bit hard to swallow. It might be easier to believe if it was presented as a myth or legend by the characters who have never actually seen the sister goddesses. That would leave the reader free to believe it or not – it’s only important that the characters believe.

Grammar:
Smirking, she challenged her sisters to outdo her stunning creations, which were was so much better than the plants and animals they had created together.

Overall Impression:
I really liked the concept behind this prologue. Though I may seem overly critical, that’s not a reflection on the basic story idea, which is fascinating. Having different species interact, along with the tension of intermarriage and political intrigue, makes for an exciting fantasy world where I can see many things happening. As a reader, however, I would have preferred to jump right to the main characters, and their plot line, and learn about their legends and ancient history at another time.

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