Ted hands you the denim cut-offs and you step into them, and pull them as far up your legs as you can. They only get to mid-thigh - much lower than the last time you put them on - so you drop to the floor and lie on your back, an old trick you use to button up too-tight pants.
“What are you doing?” Ted asks, as you tug at the cut-offs. You inch slowly up your thighs.
“Getting these on.”
“Lying on the floor?”
“It helps when they’re tight - my gut doesn’t hang out as much.”
“Pete, if they’re that tight, you really need new ones.”
“Where is a guy my size going to find new cut-offs?”
“The Levi’s outlet.”
“What! They won’t have any big enough.”
“Well, this one does. Brent works there - he’s not as big as you, but he’s plenty fat, and he says they’ve got jeans up to size 60! I know all the linemen from the football team shop there.”
“60! That’s whale sized.”
“Hey, just because you’re fat doesn’t mean you can call other fat guys names.”
“OK, ok, it’s just I’ve never met anyone that size.”
“Are those going to go on at all?” asks Ted, watching you struggle with the cut-offs. You’ve got them up your thighs, but getting them over your butt is not going well.
“I don’t know. They used to.”
“When?”
“A couple of years ago.”
“A couple of years ago! Pete, you’ve grown since then - of course they don’t fit. Before I buy you lunch we’d better go to the Levi’s outlet. What have you got that fits?”
Ted is pretty strong - and you liked having his hands on your belly when you took off the jeans. You say, “I’ll get these on if you’ll give me a hand.”
“Oh, well, ok, how?”
“Come to my left side and grab the waistband, then we’ll pull together.”
With Ted and you both straining, the cut-offs move up over your hips. You try to pull the waistband together to button it, but you can’t quite, so Ted, shoulders bulging, helps you there too. As soon as the waistband is done you pull up the zipper, and then start to get up, but the tightness of the cut-offs means you can’t even bend enough to get up.
“Uh, Ted, can you help me?”
“Sure, anything for a big guy.”
Between the two of you, with lots of grunting, you’re on your feet. “Sorry about that,” you say to Ted, “but at least the cut-offs are done up.”
You look in the mirror and see that your gut now hangs over all the way round the top of the cut-offs. Together with the yellow t-shirt you look more than ever like an obese golden sun.
“Can you walk in those?” asks Ted.
“Sure,” you say, and start waddling with short footsteps towards the door. “Let’s go!”
You waddle slowly to the front door, and the cut-offs really start to cut into your sides. You’re determined not to show Ted any pain, though, so you call out to your dad as you get to the front door - “I’m going with Ted for a while.”
“OK,” your father shouts back. You can hear him still talking to Ted’s parents.
You go outside with Ted and the heat hits you like a wall. Ted looks at you and says, “You shouldn’t be walking in this heat, Pete. Sit down and I’ll drive round for you.” He takes off, jogging in the warm air, before you can ask him what he drives. Sweating, you sit on the steps of the front deck. When Ted comes back he’s driving a ...