Your eyes flutter open, to see a mobile dangling above you. “Huh?” You say, as you look around the room. It looks like a mix between a nursery and a dorm room. Your bed has bars and a mobile, like a crib, there are toys all over the ground, and a couple of laptops on the desks. There are posters of children’s shows on the walls, along with some of celebrities I’m diapers. You look down at yourself, and see that you are wearing tinker bell pyjamas and an oversized Disney princess diaper. Not only that, but it’s soaked. You notice a piece of paper on the wall. The paper says:
Baby floor rules.
#1: You have registered an age between one and three. You will always refer to yourself as that age, and you will use that age to refer to your relative age to others.
#2: No potty. You have diapers for a reason.
#3: If by some chance you lose the ability to read, you will still be as to read the rule notices, and understand them perfectly.
#4: Anything that is not appropriate for children your age you cannot have. This includes alcohol, inappropriate media, and anything else that are only for adults.
#5: You have been assigned a “mommy” or a “daddy”. You will do anything they say, as they know best.
#6: Your mommy” or “daddy” knows you better than anyone, if you have a paper to write, and they say you haven’t learned your alphabet yet, then it was silly to sign up for a class that involves writing. If they say that you are too young to walk, you obviously are, and will spend the rest of the day crawling.
#7: All visitors to this floor will have to obey the rules. The only exceptions are friends and family of residents.
#8: Most importantly, you’re a kid. Go nuts.
There is a seal at the bottom of the notice, saying “NewU University, helping people be their truest selves”.
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